Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Thieves and Bandits

You know what? I'm terrible at sticking to a schedule.

I'm 3 Joy Juices behind and I'm getting thirsty.

BUT, I'm not going to feel bad about it - because the sweet little P.S. at the bottom of my past email told me not to fret if I fall behind or need to skip a couple. Which left me feeling relieved and a little bit how does she know?!

No seriously. How?

Now, let's pick up where I left off last.

Here's my question:

What can I do in my current situation to be more joyful? To fully engage in my life just as it is?

Is it giving back? Is it pushing a boundary? Is it immersing myself in my creativity? Is it practicing self-love?

So, I thought about this for about 90 seconds before the siren call of the internet distracted me and I started clicking around the web again. I have the attention span of a goldfish. A goldfish with an iPhone. So I was clicking around some blogs and found this quotation that so perfectly speaks to me it's like my own mother said it.

· via ·

I read the quote an immediately thought "oh Eleanor Roosevelt - you're so wise. Always with the quotables." And then I read it again and realized, not Eleanor. Nope. That other Roosevelt.

But this quote so perfectly illustrates the root of any of my unhappiness: COMPARISON. This, my friends, is my "C word." Every time I feel great my inner other "C word" pipes up to compare me or my situation to someone else. 

If I look great in an outfit I imagine someone else looking better in it. If I have a big win in work, I imagine the people I went to school with having bigger, more glamourous wins at their agencies. I think of how I did it better last time, how she looked better before, how somewhere, someplace, someone else is doing something else better than me. 

And of course they are. And of course someone else would look better in this outfit that I'm sporting as I sit here and write this. But who the fuck cares? There's only one me, there's only one now, and to compare myself to anything or anyone else does nothing to help anyone. 

I need to appreciate what I have, practice gratitude and tell that bitch in my head to zip it because I'm talking and I've got some pretty nice things to say. 

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Busy Bee

I'm a couple of days late on my Joy Juice post, but I promise it was for a very-super-important, life or death reason: I was getting my tan on.

My parents participate in the second-largest human migration on the planet: Canadian retirees escaping to Florida during winter. I miss them tons while they're gone, but visiting them is a huuuuuuge perk!

· Clearwater Point · poolside bliss · oysters we gathered that morning · tanned toes ·

Now that I'm back home in Toronto and shivering, I can focus my attention back on this blog. 

Ok so this Joy Juice is about being busy and reminding me that being busy isn't the same as being on track. 

What does my schedule say that I care about? Is that true? Am I avoiding any big decisions or dream-chasing by saying "I'm just too busy?"

I enjoy being busy. In fact, I kind of need it. Once I stop for too long, I get antsy - I feel guilty about wasting the day. 

· via ·

My schedule mostly consists of working, cooking, seeing friends and family and yoga. My schedule says I care about relationships and that is 100% truth. 

My big questions are those big life decisions one is faced with when at my age. Should I get bangs? And how/where/and when do we buy a house? My schedule isn't stopping me from this at all, but there is one thing I've noticed:

I tend to do things for fear of "missing out."

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. I go on trips because I don't want to miss out on seeing the world, I take risks because I don't want to miss out on reaping the rewards, I see my parents because I don't want to miss out making memories with them that I'll cherish forever. BUT, I think I need to learn to save time for myself. I'll say "yes" to drinks with friends, or a coffee date when sometimes all I want to do is stay home and watch a terrible chick flick. But I say "yes" because I feel guilty about staying home and doing nothing.

ermagerd i think I'm making a revelation here...

My schedule says I don't care enough about myself.

holy shit

I don't give myself enough alone time. And I love alone time. I lived alone for 3 years and adored every single minute of it. I got to know myself so well. Being alone is how I got myself here - to a place where I'm really really happy.

Ok, so here it is. I need to spend more time with me. I need to set aside more time to go to yoga all by my lonesome even if it means giving up on going out for that post-work drink. I also need to enjoy those nights my husband has to work late and spend them doing "me" things.

I'm my best company, and I can keep myself busy working on me thankyouverymuch. 
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